I bought in
So dumb
I thought I could trust the media
I thought they told the truth
True beauty
Even though I didn’t see me
Well, except for on Martin
A Different World
So different
In Living Color
Living Single
and other shows
Meanwhile, Rodney King
and other beatings
Affirmative Action
and other laws
Clueless they called me
I so very was
Even though I knew about Juneteenth
Queened it in Oceanside
decades before the nation
thought about celebrated 1865
I was so confused
Loving myself
While simultaneously hating the parts
that didn’t go with the flow
Jealous of the blond chicas
Loving my own choco-latte self
Singing En Vogue
Singing Enya
Either Or
Both And
Scared while still fighting
Silencing when I was abused
Lashing out at the wrong people
Giving away even when it was priceless
I’m so embarrassed about it now
BUT
I am blessed by my life
By the learning I did
I do
I’ve seen so much
It hurts so much
to take this ignorance off
It screams sometimes y’all
It’s stank
like old wounds and fresh blood
Cuz people died for me
Even after Jesus
Right there on Bethel St.
Right there at Brengle Terrace Park
And for decades I was confused
Because I loved myself
But thought i needed to hate myself
Lower case i
I’m taking that crap back
I got all the receipts
And I want my self-love back
I want my dignity back
I want my boldness back
because I paid full price
twice
for Bee-ess
And it ain’t worth the pot I piss in
I Wanna Refund
